Change is Beautiful
"I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back." -Philippians 3:12-14, MSG No Turning Back
As I've hit the third trimester and final stretch of this second pregnancy...well, there's no turning back now. There never was a turnback point though. The moment life entered my womb, I was to be forever changed. Life was growing and brewing in me. My body changed, my surroundings altered, and my spirit became renewed. Life continues on with change. Change is inevitable and there's no pause button for it. This "change" speech is getting to an exciting announcement I promise ;)
I'm looking forward to what's coming for us as we prepare for Eliana's arrival, for the new addition to our family. And, I'm even more excited to announce another huge change for us...
WE ARE MOVING!
No, not to a different place in SA but to a place I truly call home, Georgetown, with my family. As I type these words, I can't help but want to weep with joy! God has answered my prayers beautifully, so beautifully. But...not without some spiritual pruning first that's for sure ;)
When we found out that we were expecting número dos, I began to ask God about whether or not this would be home for our family, if this is where we should raise our children. The answer within me was a profound yet simple no. I knew what my heart had already desired for so long—to be closer to my family, to raise our children in a small town.
Other factors started flooding my mind as the pregnancy continued like how I needed help and more of a support system. I'm not your average stay-at-home mom. It's a miracle, as I've said before, that I can have children. I've had to lay down my pride and admit that I actually need my family's help if we are going to have more (which we want to). I have a close friend who was studying the spinal system in school and she knows my medical history. She told me recently, "how on earth are you even carrying a baby and able to walk?!" God is good! That's the only answer I have. It's all because of Him and the healing He has given me. Now, I won't dare be foolish and think I can stay here and keep having kids, running myself into the ground. I, of all people, know that's a one-way ticket back to the operating table.
But needing help aside, I knew my heart desperately desired for my kids to grow up close to my family and in a small town and community. Sometimes, you just know when it's time for change, a new adventure. And especially for a daughter, she just needs her momma. Life has changed so much for me. My perspective dramatically shifted once I became a mother. I've realized the need I innately have for my mom and how invaluable her guidance is. Sometimes, no one can truly understand you or help you like your mom can ;)
So after a couple of months of praying about it, God gave me the okay to ask the hubby about moving. Initially, he told me that he didn't have peace about moving. I was devastated, but I trusted God and told Philip that I'd do my best to make it work here. I asked him to continue to keep an open heart and pray about it which he agreed to. We left it at that and kept living, because that's what you do when the answer is no, you have to keep moving forward and trusting. God taught me so much during that "no" time and I'm very thankful for it. And after months of the hubs waiting and listening on the Lord, God changed his perspective. He then gave me his decision right at our anniversary in February—we were moving! I'm so thankful for my husband y'all, and especially for the steps he took in really praying and seeking God in this decision. I truly wanted it to be his decision. I knew I could sway him or push him, but I didn't want to. As wives, we have the choice to be the Holy Spirit in our marriages or to be Jezebel. I struggled, but God gave me the strength to lay down my desires, sacrifice what I wanted, and just trust. He taught me more about how to be the Holy Spirit through prayer and intercession and how to fully let Philip lead our home. Knowing that both God and Philip knew the desires of my heart was all that mattered. If it happened, praise God. If it didn't, praise God.
Change is beautiful y'all. It's something that's going to challenge, grow, sharpen, and strengthen us. I can't wait to see what God has in store for my amazing and crazy familia!
I also know we'll be sent off with blessings which we are so thankful for. God's paving the way and we are going to take the road less traveled. Believe it or not, it'd be easier to stay. Moving is going to be a feat, but we are ready :)
San Antonio has been my temporary home for the last 8, going on 9 years! I can't believe it! I've made life-long friends, pastors, mentors, and amazing memories which I'm forever grateful for and will never forget. But my heart strongly longs for my family and to plant our little but growing family. It's been a long time coming, and God's going to do so much in and through us in our new adventure. Let's do this!
So with all that said...
What change are you afraid of today? Or what change do you need to offer up in prayer? I dare you to seek God wholeheartedly with whatever your current situation is. You'll be blown away by what prayer can do. As the cliche Christian-question goes, have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it? I discovered instantly after talking with a few people about wanting to move that I needed to just pray about it. Too many different opinions were coming at me and overwhelming me to the point where I couldn't hear God and frustration began to bubble up. He led me to a quiet place to just talk to Him about it and wait patiently.
So, commit whatever it is you need to to prayer and see what's in store :) If it's a "no", praise God. If it's a "yes", praise God. If it's a "wait", praise God. Either ways, we've got to keep moving forward—loving and serving Him in whatever season, place, or situation we are in. Let this time be an opportunity and not an excuse to sit on the sidelines of life. That's what I've learned and lived out in the last 8 years here, which is enabling me to leave right, full, and expectant.
No turning back now, Erica